Giving myself a break, literally.

“The grass is greener where you water it.”

Neil Barringham.

I was just about to walk out of the door to go to the gym and I felt my body ache. I contemplated what to do about that, turned around, took my snickers off and started cooking dinner.

I feel like a bag of sand. I feel very tired, weak, achy and sore. I am not sick though. The stupid allergies are there but I don’t care about them anymore.

I kind of feel bad that I didn’t ride my bike today or go to the gym. Actually, when my friend cancelled our biking plans on me, I still couldn’t have gone with other people and I chose not to. I am a little bit angry with my body and hope that it recovers fast before the weekend as I have another active trip planned. But honestly, I don’t have a right to be angry with my body. I think my body does not deserve the way I treat it. I don’t feed it properly, I don’t give it much rest and I don’t give it enough water. I feel that I exhausted it…

For the last couple of weeks (or maybe months), I have been running around like a crazy woman. I am planning my summer trips, fall trips, running errands all the time, trying to exercise between hiking, trail running and mountain biking, meeting friends, taking care of the dog, training the dog and dealing with his crap, keeping up with grocery essentials, guest visits, shit braking in the house, plus extra house projects and work. Wow. Oh and plus I have to go to the gym 8 times a week to keep my free memberships there (a perk of being a spouse of a deployed soldier)!

The thing is that half of all of that is on me. I am intentionally staying busy. I have no family here. My husband has been deployed for 8 months. I am actually really proud that I am handling things on my own and that I got my routine down. I am trying to stay busy. I do not want to feel lonely and want to be productive. But maybe it is too much for me even my body had to tell me to stop? But man, I cannot stop: I have a car oil appointment scheduled this week( itis 1000 miles past due.) And then I need to do my car registration thing as July is almost over and then I need to bike and go to the gym and meet with friends and do work happy hours. Stop! And slow down.

However, I don’t view my life as hectic. Only looking back after the fact I am like, wow, I have been busy! I feel like slow dog walks and park plays each morning and evening have been my sanity. It is quiet, I can hear the birds singing. I am enjoying the flowers, trees, mountains and fresh air.

I am also trying to figure out feeding myself situation as it is so related to my body state!

I hate cooking. I don’t remember when was the last time I cooked a proper meal. During a Camping trip two weeks ago?? The situation definitely worsened since the time my husband left. For a couple of months, I was consuming HelloFresh boxes while I had a nice discount with them. Oh boy, it was stressful. I had to make sure that I cooked three times a week otherwise the packages would go bad. But I was feeding myself well. Then there was a time I was doing meal prepping on Sundays. Meals would last me for a couple of days during the week. It was too much work and I couldn’t eat my creations for that long, they were not tasty enough and I would get tired of the same food. Then, I did salads for lunches but I would get hungry too fast and my spinach would always go bad by the time I finish it.

But last week was the worst. I barely ate any lunches and was getting fast food dinners. My work was so slammed to go out for lunch, I didn’t have any food in the fridge to pack lunches, or I didn’t want to eat the stuff I would bring. The thing is that I like to eat but I don’t like to cook and I am too frugal to eat out all the time. And when I am stressed, I cannot eat.

I feel bad about complaining on this matter as I should be grateful for such an abundance of food around. There are so many fast food chains and the grocery stores have multiple options for food prep.

Maybe I should give myself a break and hire a cook? I think I can afford it and then I won’t die from malnutrition!

Anyway, I am going to bed early today. I am exhausted.

Published by mindtrainpassenger

I like to dwell on things, contemplate and play games with my mind, most of the time I ride along but I get off sometimes! I am an explorer, thinker, friend, wife, dog owner, hiker, mountain biker but I prefer to stay anonymous.

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