Dark thoughts, are they though?

“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”

Haruki Murakami 

Once someone told me a story about a person who was struck by lightning while taking a shower.  The other day I came back from the camping trip and desperately needed to take one but it was storming really bad outside with lightning and thunder. I just had to rinse off, I couldn’t handle the idea of going to bed dusty and sweaty. I got in and was terrified the whole time that I was going to die. It was the fastest shower I ever took. Other times I experienced this fear while I was white water kayaking, backpacking and was riding on the back of the sports bike. All pretty adventurous activities. It makes me wonder if it is our fear of death that helps us survive in this world and makes us less reckless. I guess it all just depends on the degree of your fear. I would think that a rational amount of fear is only natural and can save a person’s life and it makes us more cautious. 

The truth is no one lives forever and we all die. Pretty simple. But everyone has to come to terms at one point or another with their own death coming up or their important people in life. Many people avoid this subject because it is associated with darkness, negativity, sadness. But is it really that dark? We have to think about death because you never know what it is going to happen tomorrow and we have to be prepared to die. 

“Adam Ruins Everything” series did an episode about death and how we can prepare for it and make it an ‘easy’ experience. Often, people find themselves at a loss about what to do, simple things like where the car title is, what some passwords are and how they want to be buried. If we provide them with all the necessary information beforehand, it would make their experience so much easier! I already told my husband that I want to be buried in the ground and ideally transported back to Mother Russia. Before my husband deployed, he shared with me all of his passwords and wrote a will (well the last one was kind of required). 

When it comes to thinking about someone else’s death, it is hard to grasp the overall concept for me. No one close to me died yet so I can only imagine what it is like to lose someone close to you. When I try to imagine, I do not get particularly sad and in my mind, it is some distant idea. I honestly have a hard time imagining. I don’t know if I am doing it on purpose not to get caught up with the idea or I just take it as is and it will hit me hard when it actually happens. I don’t know. 

My grandmother is however quite old and she has some health issues. These ramblings about death are connected to her recent disease. We have been very close since my early childhood and I have no idea how I am going to take her passing. I do believe in an afterlife and angels and souls getting free of physical bodies and so on. That helps. My logic understands that it is a natural life process and my heart? We will see. But I am glad that I am exploring these thoughts and acknowledging them. I do not judge them. I let them come and go.

Published by mindtrainpassenger

I like to dwell on things, contemplate and play games with my mind, most of the time I ride along but I get off sometimes! I am an explorer, thinker, friend, wife, dog owner, hiker, mountain biker but I prefer to stay anonymous.

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