Job Search Contemplation

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

M. Scott Peck

This thought passed my brain a couple of times recently.  I do not like my job. I am bored. I am frustrated. 

I remember how I felt when I got this job. I was so happy. I was so excited that finally after several years of working in the retail industry, I found something in my field. I would be working with people all over the world! I could finally apply my linguistic and international relations skills!

I used to be a retail store manager selling paint. Yep. That’s right. I was working 50-60 hours a week. People were constantly quitting, I was constantly short staffed, the customers were constantly rude and complaining. I mean, there were some satisfying parts of that job but overall I was ready to get out of that hell. Well, technically this “hell” built my resume quite a bit, hmm…most of it. And paid for my PMP certification. I am trying to be grateful here, OK? 

Nonetheless, when I got my current position, I was on the seventh cloud of happiness. I remember how nervous I was during the whole interview process which lasted about two months. It seemed so unreal. Working in a real office? Have my own space and computer? Get a nice cup of latte from a modern looking kitchen? Yes, I will take that! 

And now, I hate it. It has been two years. My managers have a promising future for me with the company as my revenue is the highest of the team and I am “liked by the right people”. And I just got my first raise! OK, OK… Time to be grateful here again. I got a raise! 3K is better than nothing. I am recognized for my hard work. I am still doing the best I can and only sometimes I take an hour lunch. I am attentive to detail and a great multitasker. I promise, I am not trying to sell myself. 

Honestly, when I get into my best graceful mood, my job does not sound bad at all. I work my regular 40 hours. My hour long commute has amazing mountain views and it gives me a chance to call my family back home. I have a promising career. I make a decent salary. I have good benefits. But I just want more. Better. More challenges and more learning. 

But what am I going to do with myself if I do quit? Who is going to pay for my bills? Sounds like not a responsible thing to do. I am trying to apply for other positions now but then, what if it is the same thing there?  I am casually looking. I do not want to get yet another job. I want it to be a step up for me. I am thoroughly reading job descriptions, checking out the companies’ websites and their LinkedIn page, scrolling through their Glassdoor reviews.

I am also trying to think how my hobbies can become a source of income. I was encouraged by my good friend to start writing children’s stories and I wrote one. Now I want to do more research about that field and work on improving my writing. I want to get more involved into writers community. I have many ideas but I need more time to write and do these things I want to do.. In addition to my full time job, 2 hour commute a day, my dog and house responsibilities plus multiple outdoor hobbies, it is not easy to make time. 

I thought about becoming one of these Instagram influencers. But I don’t feel like being a promoter or be in marketing/advertising field. I thought about becoming a photographer. In my opinion, people who shoot other people and portraits do well, I like nature photography more. 

I will just stay positive and keep casually looking for another job and writing my blog and children’s stories and who knows, maybe one day I will become a published author (When I typed that last part, it sounded very unrealistic, but hey it is all about belief, right?)

Published by mindtrainpassenger

I like to dwell on things, contemplate and play games with my mind, most of the time I ride along but I get off sometimes! I am an explorer, thinker, friend, wife, dog owner, hiker, mountain biker but I prefer to stay anonymous.

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